4 HIS GLORY CREATIONS BY CJ

This is me, around the age of 5 or maybe 6.  To you this might look the the face of a happy child.  And for the most part I think I was very happy.  Unfortunately, at this young and innocent age I was sexually abused.  I didn't realize that's what it was until sometime later.  In fact a long time later.  I do know that it had a very ill effect on my entire life. 
I find that even now after years of counseling and a profession of faith in Jesus.  I still struggle with the demons of my past.  I still carry anger, not that I wish to feel these emotions, they are in me and they are real and they haunt me day and night.  
I don't really know why I feel like I have to write about this.  I don't know if it's a continued journey of trying to heal from deep dark wounds.  I find myself spewing out accusations towards innocent bystanders. Or to those who maybe think they know me, and find they are shocked by something I say or do.  I confess, I am messed up!!!!  But not completely!  I have found comfort in praying, exercising, and re-connecting with life long friends.  My love for beading gives me hope, and such a feeling of accomplishment.  I always felt like a failure, like I couldn't ever accomplish anything.  Until I found my passion for bead weaving.  
My life is a long painful story, and I feel like I've wallowed in it long enough.  I confess I have a very hard time when I do things wrong.  Or I seem to repeat the same mistakes over and over.  I find hope in God's promises to me in His Holy word.  So as I continue on my spiritual journey of hope and healing.  Pray for me if you pray, or think good thoughts and send them my way.